"Move the hands away from the nutsack!!"

The Italian courts are a mass of contradictions, which I guess is in keeping with the country's Catholic roots.

Just last week the Supreme Court – the highest court in the country – heard the case of a Milanese man accused of "ostentatiously" groping himself in public, and ruled that touching of oneself under one’s clothing is “contrary to public decency”, going on to suggest, “if they need to, men can wait and do it at home”.

And yet this week the very same court ruling in the case of a 48-year woman engaged in an affair with a secret lover decided it was legal to lie to the police about extramarital affairs if revealing them ruins your reputation.

Note to self: Must buy VERY baggy pants for next trip